The Black Dog

Messages of those who have been turned in.
User avatar
demo
Posts: 157
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:59 pm
Location: Philippines
Real Full Name: Brian Demeary
Rank and Rate/Category: POMTP3
Enlistment Date: 18 Nov 1962
Date of Discharge: 07 Sep 1979
Ships and Depots Served: Cerberus, Vendetta, Yarra, Albatross, Melbourne, Creswell, Perth, Brisbane x 2, 1MCE, Penguin
Contact:

The Black Dog

Post by demo » Thu Dec 17, 2020 1:10 pm

It has come around again and I do not know how to get rid of it except for the one thing.
I am only hanging out to Christmas to see my son get his present. I do not know how much longer I can last.
The flash backs are so disturbing that they are scaring me to say the least, my mind cannot stop this happening.
My wife does not understand the meaning of what I am going through, she says it is all in my head. of fucking course it is in my head that is what is killing me.
There are no trick cyclists here in the Philippines to go and see and the doctors don't seem to care to much about it. The nearest place for help is 6 hours away.
My son is wondering what is wrong with me and has become withdrawn, which I hate him doing.
I just wish all at the Gun Plot have a very happy holiday season. If I do not return again you will know where I am

User avatar
Joe
Posts: 391
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2018 11:07 pm
Real Full Name: Joseph White
Rank and Rate/Category: APOWTR
Enlistment Date: 03 Apr 1963
Date of Discharge: 07 Jul 1969
Ships and Depots Served: Sydney Melbourne Cerberus Lonsdale Kuttabul Penguin

Re: The Black Dog

Post by Joe » Thu Dec 17, 2020 11:09 pm

Hey Demo!!!
What the fuck is up Cobber?
Your boy needs you and believe it or not so does your wife.
It ain't easy mate. Not bloody easy at all.
I see a Trick Cyclist too for Depression and Severe Anxiety. One of my problems is that I can't stand people or social activities. Easy answer from him was to take drugs - told him to jam them up his arse. The effects are worse than the relief .. a bit like pain meds .. absolutely fucking useless.
My association with him now is by phone (about every 5 or 6 days) He wanted me to go into the hospital for 7 to 14 days to mix with others. I simply laughed!!
Just maybe you can find someone who can assist by phone .. not the best answer but might help.
If not .. it's your life Demo. You own it and may do what you wish. Remember nothing and no one can hurt you unless you let them.
Gotta go now .. can hardly see because of the bloody tears running down my fucking face. Stay strong.

User avatar
demo
Posts: 157
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:59 pm
Location: Philippines
Real Full Name: Brian Demeary
Rank and Rate/Category: POMTP3
Enlistment Date: 18 Nov 1962
Date of Discharge: 07 Sep 1979
Ships and Depots Served: Cerberus, Vendetta, Yarra, Albatross, Melbourne, Creswell, Perth, Brisbane x 2, 1MCE, Penguin
Contact:

Re: The Black Dog

Post by demo » Fri Dec 18, 2020 12:30 pm

Joe,
There is nobody here who I can talk too. I do not know who would want to phone me as I live in the Philippines and it would be too expensive for them to do so. No such close friends so to speak.
You say my son loves me, yes you are correct and that will be the one thing that I miss, Him. I am only waiting for Christmas to see him open his present from Santa and that will be it.
As for my wife, it is still all in my head, that is where the fucking trouble is. The demons are just to strong and I am soo tired of fighting them any more, I do not have the strength or the will to do so.
No cunt over here gives a fuck about mental illness, they all turn their backs on you.
It would have to be a fucking big miracle to save me now
I have already spent one month at Greenslopes Hospital back in 2017, so fucking difference.

User avatar
demo
Posts: 157
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:59 pm
Location: Philippines
Real Full Name: Brian Demeary
Rank and Rate/Category: POMTP3
Enlistment Date: 18 Nov 1962
Date of Discharge: 07 Sep 1979
Ships and Depots Served: Cerberus, Vendetta, Yarra, Albatross, Melbourne, Creswell, Perth, Brisbane x 2, 1MCE, Penguin
Contact:

Re: The Black Dog

Post by demo » Fri Dec 18, 2020 3:38 pm

Joe,
You are the only one who has responded.
I am 75 years old and am sick and tired of being sick. My body is racked with pain and nothing helps to relieve it. I have so many disabilities that are DVA accepted I am at the fucking stage of it all.
I do not know how to post a copy of them all.
At the moment I am drinking 750 ml of 55proof brandy every night just to try and kill the demons but they are back again the next morning. I have not eaten for over 6 days now and have no desire to eat anything.
I am at life's end.

User avatar
Paybob
Posts: 280
Joined: Sun Jul 01, 2018 2:53 am
Real Full Name: Robert Hall
Rank and Rate/Category: LCDR GLSU
Enlistment Date: 31 Jan 1962
Date of Discharge: 14 Feb 1983
Ships and Depots Served: RANC, ANZAC, Yarra, Melbourne, Sydney, Swan, Cerberus, FOCEA, Harman, Waterhen, SO 1st Aust Submarine Squadron

Re: The Black Dog

Post by Paybob » Fri Dec 18, 2020 7:17 pm

Demo,
Joe has responded, but there are many of us who care about you and your current medical problems. It is very difficult for us to send you our whole hearted support when we have never met, we don't know you, and we live in different countries. All that aside we do care for you and the situation you are facing. I too am 75yrs old and understand the problems of ill health, isolation and too much alcohol. Please do not think that no-one cares because that is not true, we do care even if it is difficult for us to put our feelings on paper.

User avatar
demo
Posts: 157
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2018 4:59 pm
Location: Philippines
Real Full Name: Brian Demeary
Rank and Rate/Category: POMTP3
Enlistment Date: 18 Nov 1962
Date of Discharge: 07 Sep 1979
Ships and Depots Served: Cerberus, Vendetta, Yarra, Albatross, Melbourne, Creswell, Perth, Brisbane x 2, 1MCE, Penguin
Contact:

Re: The Black Dog

Post by demo » Fri Dec 18, 2020 8:41 pm

Thanks Paybob.
it is just so fucking difficult to find any help over here. The Filipinos do not want to know any thing about you when this situation arises. They see it as a major sign of weakness.
Thanks again for the thoughts.

User avatar
Joe
Posts: 391
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2018 11:07 pm
Real Full Name: Joseph White
Rank and Rate/Category: APOWTR
Enlistment Date: 03 Apr 1963
Date of Discharge: 07 Jul 1969
Ships and Depots Served: Sydney Melbourne Cerberus Lonsdale Kuttabul Penguin

Re: The Black Dog

Post by Joe » Fri Dec 18, 2020 11:56 pm

Phew!!! You are still here 💪💪
There must be Veterans Advocates who will talk with you ... yep from here in Oz at the Vets Assoc cost. That is what they volunteer to do.
Lets see what we can find out.
Looks like both you and Paybob are older than me .. a mere 74!
I also am an alcoholic but through sheer determination had my last drink on 27th August 2017. Do I miss it - oh my bloody oath I do .. particularly as it was a great sleep enhancer and pain distractor.
Demo, mate, like so many other Plotters I have never met you but we still all have so much in common .. especially memories.
Do me a favour :
1. Have something to eat .. anything at all .. just a couple of bites will do.
2. Write down one of your best memories here on The Gun Plot.
You can do it Demo .. even if you don't want to .. c'mon cobber .. put on the Big Boy briches and show me that I'm right and that you can do it. I'll have a look in the morning.
JUST DO IT DEMO.

Lawrie G
Posts: 165
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2018 9:42 am
Real Full Name: Lawrie Gribben
Rank and Rate/Category: POEWR
Enlistment Date: 10 Mar 1963
Date of Discharge: 09 Mar 1972
Ships and Depots Served: Cerberus, Parramatta (x2), Mull of Kintyre, Melbourne, Waterhen

Re: The Black Dog

Post by Lawrie G » Sat Dec 19, 2020 1:29 pm

What Joe and Paybob said, Demo.

I'm sure there would be many people, who in time of physical or mental pain would have had, even if fleeting, thoughts of the 'peace of eternal rest'. It might not seem so, but it's the easy, and selfish, way out, and your 'peace' would not translate to any kind of peace for those you leave behind. Not a good way to be remembered.

You said, quote: 'I am only hanging out to Christmas to see my son get his present' . . . What sort of post-Christmas present would you be leaving him - is this the lasting memory you want to leave behind? Have a think!

Anyway, my thoughts are with you and your family.

clarky50
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:20 pm
Real Full Name: Robert Clark
Rank and Rate/Category: LME
Enlistment Date: 07 Jul 1966
Date of Discharge: 13 Feb 1973
Ships and Depots Served: Leeuwin, Sydney, Moresby, Cerberus, Queenborough, Kuttabul, Melbourne, Kuttabul

Re: The Black Dog

Post by clarky50 » Sat Dec 19, 2020 9:42 pm

Demo , whilst we have never met I have heard tales form different oppos and your name came up a few times, whilst I understand your thoughts I dont see the end result as being the best outcome. I know its easy for me and others to say these things as we dont suffer like you. However believe me the aftermath will be horrendous for those left behind, your son in particular needs you to be around for a few more years to guide him.
Please reach out to the Vets Assoc they may well be able to help or point you in the right direction. Stay safe mate and stay focused on the good parts of your life.

User avatar
Joe
Posts: 391
Joined: Wed Jun 27, 2018 11:07 pm
Real Full Name: Joseph White
Rank and Rate/Category: APOWTR
Enlistment Date: 03 Apr 1963
Date of Discharge: 07 Jul 1969
Ships and Depots Served: Sydney Melbourne Cerberus Lonsdale Kuttabul Penguin

Re: The Black Dog

Post by Joe » Sat Dec 19, 2020 10:00 pm

G'day Demo
Hope to Christ you have read the above posts and are here to read this one.
Was going to say that if you intend to kill yourself .. you know suicide (lets say it like it is!) then make a proper plan to get the hell well and truly away from your family and neighbours. Make sure you have id on you and that you are not going to frighten the shit outta someone when they see you do it or find your dead body whether it be hot and bloody or just stinking rotten.
Not nice thoughts eh mate? Sorta slowed me down a good bit. Yep .. one of the reasons I'm still here.
Anyway .. your choice buddy.
On Monday I'll contact the local Veterans Association and see if they can offer any advice.
Remember .... think before you act .. and don't blame the grog....

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